Does this excerpt from my book sound interesting/well written enough? I'm up for some friendly criticism.?

I like this! it sounds really intriguing, and i really want to read more! have you got this posted anywhere, like on WorthyOfPublishing, or Webook? because i really want to read the whole story! it sounds so good!!!! and to be honest... i only have one critique! their language is a bit odd. too,,, ponsy? snobbish? im not quite sure, but yeah... it is to prim and proper for some fighting people that gather the energies from around them to hit things.... =] just my thoughts though